This week, Fable and the Verbivore open up about the emotional and mental struggles that accompany querying our work.

Last week, we discussed the many ways in which an author can prepare for querying and potentially reduce the number of rejections due to lack of preparation. This week, we talk about some methods for coping with the vulnerability of the querying process. However, we also acknowledge that it’s just plain hard to experience rejection, and in querying our work we face a ton of it. There’s no way around that.

As individuals, we all experience the steps of the querying process differently and will therefore employ different methods for coping with it and managing and caring for ourselves. It all depends on what works best for you.

But here are a few things that we’ve found helpful:

·     Reframe the experience as a game/Set goals you have control over. Mentally feframing how you see rejection and setting achievable goals you are able to work hard to meet help you feel empowered. For instance, as Fable has done - setting a goal to obtain a hundred rejections. Track them as you would any other goal, acknowledge and celebrate milestones, and have a motivating reward once you accomplished it. This will motivate you to get submitting your work, but takes pressure off the part you have very little control over - whether or not a agent decides to represent you.

·     Remember why you’re querying/Reconnect with your motivations. We all have a variety of reasons for querying, so remind yourself of your why(s). But also remind yourself why you took the time to write this particular story. What was the spark that you could not let go of until you had it written down? Or what encouraged you to work to try to get it out into the world? Hold on to that throughout the process.

·     Acknowledge your emotions. Check in with yourself to see how you react to the different steps of the querying process and notice what works to help you get through. Check to see what tips and advice other authors have when managing vulnerability hangovers from querying and try them. Journaling and listening to the messages you’re telling yourself can help you get in touch with where you’re at and what works.

·     Ask for what you need from loved ones. Tell loved ones when you’re sharing your work, so that they can be prepared and help support you when you’re at your most vulnerable. Realize some rejections will sting more than others. Be honest with those around you about what you’re feeling, and if you need space or hugs or affirmation or chocolate. All of those are valid.   

We hope you enjoy this episode! Keep reading, writing, and putting your voice out there!

Into the woods,

Fable & The Verbivore

Notes:

There are many articles with helpful advice online regarding vulnerability hangovers and managing your mental and emotional state throughout the querying process. Here are a few that we connected with:

• A Vulnerability Hangover and 6 Steps to Overcome It - https://myquestionlife.com/vulnerability-hangover/

• 17 Ways to Cope with Rejection While Querying Literary Agents - https://tracycgold.com/17-ways-to-cope-with-rejection-while-querying-literary-agents/

• How to Use Detachment From Your Writing Process to Not Feel Like an Imposter - https://writingcooperative.com/how-to-use-detachment-from-your-writing-process-to-not-feel-like-an-imposter-728d7c646eee

The Verbivore referenced the imitation exercise that we did last year. This practice came from Mary Oliver’s The Poetry Handbook and was discussed in “Episode 22: Imitation as a way to find your voice”. Here’s the link:

• https://fableandtheverbivore.com/podcast/episode-22-imitation-as-a-way-to-find-your-voice

The Vebivore also referenced the 100 Day Project from 2020 that we participated in. Each day we posted a creative work (written, photographic, drawn, mixed media, etc.) from our personal Instagram accounts to the hashtags #The100DayProject and #imitatelikeawriter. Those entries are still available on Instagram.

Books Mentioned:

• Steering the Craft: A Twenty-First-Century Guide to Sailing the Sea of Story by Ursula K. Le Guin

Music from: https://filmmusic.io
’Friendly day’ by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
Licence: CC BY (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)